The Bus Papers…part one

Citizen science at its best!

The Arty Plantsman

I hope this might amuse.

Back in 2005 I was not in a happy place. When I’m depressed my closer colleagues can usually tell because I act out a bit and my humour gets reckless. Not cruel, just a bit off-the-wall. I started writing a series of spoof scientific papers based on my discomfort of sharing a double seat on public transport (we all know that feeling). The papers became rather deranged by the time the third one appeared, with my bitterness and loneliness becoming quite obvious. Before you ask – yes I genuinely did carry out the experiments described. This is the first:

bread

USE OF DOMESTIC FOODSTUFFS ENHANCES PROBABILITY OF DOUBLE_SEAT RETENTION ON PUBLIC SERVICE VEHICLES.

D.Sleep, Lancaster, UK

Abstract.

We present a possible solution to the awkwardness of sharing a double seat with a stranger on public transport. The only tools required are easily obtainable comestibles.

Materials &…

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